From Labor Day Jokes and Funny Stories
In honor of Labor Day, here’s a first-person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:
As a young man:
My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
In my prime next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.
I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.
I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.
I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high-strung.
I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make enough dough.
I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
Later in life:
Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in it.
Next, I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.
I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
I turned to farming, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs, and I got the shaft.
I sold origami, but the business folded.
Finally: I took a job at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself.
I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally withdrew from the job.
I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn’t live on my net income.
I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
So, I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job! For those of you who still have life left in you…..